MASSACHUSETTS – In a move to win over increasingly sceptical voters, Mitt Romney has unveiled his new campaign message to the voting public : “I was just fooling with you guys”.
The plan was developed after Romney’s chief political strategists privately acknowledged the best method of improving favorability in key battleground states is to have people think his presidential campaign has simply been an attempt at humor.
Sources say the new campaign will begin “effective immediately” under a revamped slogan: “You Thought I was Being Serious? 2012”.
I live for comedy
This latest reboot will see Romney announce he has been “pulling the leg” of the American people and the presidential nominee was on hand to deliver the new look campaign: “We’re focused on getting a new, new, new message to the American people,” he explained.
“One that says ‘hey, all that stuff you heard me say and do over and over in the last year? We were just fooling around with y’all’.”
He then declared it time to get back to simple truths and admit “my campaign has been a big joke this whole time” – a message political analysts roundly agreed was one “sure resonate big time with the American people”.
Hammering home the new message, the Romney explained that “running a campaign where I alienate every interest group with each sentence to fall out of my mouth is just something I do for kicks.”
“Remember that time when I came across like an out of touch one percenter unable to express basic human empathy for anyone making less than seven figures a year? Ha ha ha haaaaa.”
“Oh mercy. That one still cracks me up.”
Fooled ya
It’s understood his campaign managers considered several potential strategies to regain lost ground in polls including framing current president Barack Obama for murder.
“We sat down and explored a bunch of options with the specific mandate of getting this campaign bus back on the road,” said one insider who wished to remain anonymous.
“Having Obama charged with murder was in the top three. Our data show folks would have been highly concerned about voting for a guy on facing a murder rap.”
“In the end, the logistical challenge of framing a man for first or even second degree murder this close to the election was way too much.”
“Convincing people that everything Mitt has said and done has been a joke is infinitely more doable.”
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