British Minister Announces Groupons For University Places

ENGLAND – The British University Minister David Willetts has outlined a plan to provide students from working class backgrounds access to university using Groupons.

The proportion of working class going to university has dropped since the introduction of tuition fees, and Mr Willetts has declared it time for a new initiative to encourage social mobility.

It’s claimed the group vouchers would be used to ‘guarantee’ poorer students a place within top universities where they would redeem the Groupon for a decent education.

‘Amazing discounts in your area’

“It’s unfair for fully able students to be left behind, and with Groupons that will change.  You can save as much as 70% on tuition fees – that’s a damn fine deal in my book.”

Conservativer leader David Cameron told reporters:  “This clearly shows that there is a way for everybody to achieve their full potential in life, subject to terms and conditions.”

However, teaching unions warned the changes would “create another generation of haves and have-nots” leading to a two-tier system of education.

Union spokesman Edgar Harris said: “The government cannot just assume everyone is signed up to Groupon.  This plan will force large numbers of students to miss out on daily deals for affordable education.”

Shadow Business Secretary John Denham also attacked the proposal and said there were many questions still unanswered, like how universities could afford to offer such eye-popping deals.

“I think it is clear the government still intends to create a two tier system – one method of entry for those signed up to Groupon, and another for those not on the mailing list,” said Mr Denham who condemned the government for engaging in “classic frugal warfare.”

‘Read the small print’

These claims were dismissed by Mr Willetts who pointed out the website is available to all applicants.  However, he did acknowledge a small chance of students missing out as “the Groupons would not be around forever.”

Under the scheme, one Groupon would be offered per day for each of the top universities across Britain and would expire at 23:59:59 on the day of the offer.

At this point students would be faced with a decision: Try for another institution, or wait for the same Groupon to be offered at a later date.

David Willetts championed the ‘bold reform’ as the fairest method of providing non-discriminatory access to higher education, “on the condition the minimum number of sign ups were met for each Groupon.”

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