HOLLYWOOD – The Screen Actors Guild have agreed to send a cast of the best television doctors to disaster hit Haiti to help fight the urgent cholera epidemic. Cast members Grey’s Anatomy, House MD and General Hospital are all being prepared to fly into the country along with a team of writers to aid medical workers already on the ground.
In addition to shows currently in syndication, the aid effort will also see George Clooney reprise his role as Doug Ross, that womanising but dashingly handsome doctor from ER.
The UN’s top humanitarian official said last month that the country is in desperate need of at least 1000 more doctors, but the addition of the best doctors prime time television has to offer would ‘greatly reduced that need’ in a country where the death toll is fast approaching 3000.
“We have to control the outbreak and we have to bring down the percentage of people who are dying, and we have to do that in a way that keeps the audience interested past the ad break.”
Ratings appeal
Chief Information Officer Erin Griffin rejected accusations the Screen Actors Guild were not taking the matter seriously, reminding the Haitian government of ER episode 7 of season 2 in which Doug pulled a drowning boy from a flooded culvert then “stuck a pen in his neck to gets him breathing again! Are you kidding me? Of course we’re taking this seriously!”
Mrs Griffin indicated that the team – with hundreds of episodes of experience between them – would look to get a handle on the spread of the disease which had now affect the entire country, before take a mid-epidemic break and returning to a dramatic climax in the spring, leaving the people of Haiti satisfied but eager for more at the same time.
‘There’s no green room?!’
With ‘tens of thousands’ of people still living in tent cities with poor sanitation and little access to clean drinking water, TV surgeon Meredith Grey said it would be a miracle if her team managed to deliver another Emmy winning performance in such dire circumstances. The ER cast admitted that saving lives here could be their biggest challenge since having to replace George Clooney’s character after leaving in season 15.
When asked how many lives could be saved in such poor conditions, Gregory House was realistic in his estimation: “It depends on the writers.”
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