Bernard Madoff was sentenced to 150 years in prison this week for the running the biggest Ponzi scheme outside government control. The key failing of this fund was that Madoff could not keep it going long enough to be overlooked by a bigger news story. and Madoff himself is said to be upset that the King of Pop had not pass away sooner. The severity of the sentence has led many to believe that Madoff has learnt from the experience, but showing that a leopard can’t change its spots, the former fraudster turned jail bait will run a new fund to ensure his last days are at least profitable if not free.
Our Correspondent is in new York with more details.
[Chief Correspondent] Richard, you were at the court room when the verdict was given out. What has been the reaction from Madoff himself?
[Business Correspondent] It’s been one of a man seemingly resigned to his fate. But we have discovered that Madoff has a second fund he plans to run from behind bars.
[Chief Correspondent] Yes, there’s been a lot of rumour over this supposed fund that he will use to deal with the harsh realities of prison life. Can you clear this up?
[Business Correspondent] It is true that Mr Madoff has developed a new, innovative asset management fine tuned the prison environment called the ‘Inmate Relief Fund’.
[Chief Correspondent] I must say that prison doesn’t seem the ideal place to build a respectable asset management fund. How do we know this isn’t another Ponzi scheme?
[Business Correspondent] Unlike one he ran on the outside this one is based on tangible assets, in this case cigarettes…and something call “tossed salad”.
[Chief Correspondent] …I’m not familiar with that term.
[Business Correspondent] Neither was I, but I’m being told that it is a very valuable asset in prison and can be easily paid upon request. I hear inmates are already lining up participate in the fund.
[Chief Correspondent] Do you have details on the inner workings?
[Business Correspondent] It’s simple, for every pack of cigarettes deposited by an inmate, they will receive a contract for three payments of ‘tossed salad’, redeemable upon demand any time day or night by Madoff himself. For every 3 months that a pack is left in the fund, one extra ‘toss salad’ payment is accrued in that inmate’s account.
[Chief Correspondent] That’s an incredible yield on investment! How will be be able to maintain such high rates and service so many inmates?
[Business Correspondent] The fund works on the basis that not everyone will want to claim their ‘tossed salad’ payment at one go but would most likley withdraw a single payment on a regular basis, keeping a little in the account just in case.
[Chief Correspondent] This is starting to sound suspect. Like the same scheme he was busted for?
[Business Correspondent] Don’t worry. I spoke to an inmate about the ‘tossed salad’ payments. He was ver adamant that there is no chance of payments being missed even if everyone does come and collect at once. Quote “Oh don’t worry, willing or not he just gotta be around and we gon‘ get our salad tossed by white boy.”…end quote.
[Chief Correspondent] The important thing is that no one is let down again by this man and it sounds as though every member of the fund will be fully satisfied.
[Business Correspondent] I’m sure they will.
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