As the first black African nation to escape from colonialism, Ghana is often held as an example of what can be achieved when these people stop fighting over seemingly unperceivable differences to instead focus on the advancing their nation through political reform instead of the spears and arrows. Again it was election time in Africa – so often a goldmine of titillating stories for journalists such as myself – and our focus has shifted to the people of the Gold Coast. Your correspondent travelled to Ghana to see first hand if that proud reputation as a “stable” African nation holds up to closer scrutiny.
I spoke with Mr Patrick Agyeman, a Ghanaian political analyst for the new administration.
[Africa Correspondent] Hello Mr Agyeman. Thank you for taking the time out of your demanding schedule to speak to me.
[Ghana Analyst] Well, I have been eager to talk to you. My people tell me you are after a real African story.
[Africa Correspondent] Indeed. I won’t keep you too long, you’ll be back hunting in no time.
[Ghana Analyst] Excuse me, hunting?
[Africa Correspondent] Yes. You must be very busy providing food for your people. I saw many hungry faces on the way here…had to shoo a few away from the truck.
[Ghana Analyst] I…I don’t know exactly what you have been told upon your arrival sir, but we do not hunt to feed the population.
[Africa Correspondent] So how do you eat?
[Ghana Analyst] We get our food through more traditional sources, domestic agriculture and imports also.
[Africa Correspondent] Hmmm…Interesting. Let me write this down.
[Ghana Analyst] Ahh…I understand you have come to talk about the recent elections?
[Africa Correspondent] Yes, of course. We at MLNN felt there was an opportunity for a story that has seen little coverage. We aim to shed some light in this dark place…figuratively speaking.
[Ghana Analyst] Good, good. We too have noticed the lack of interest. It sometime feels you have a negative agenda in your reporting. You miss out on the good things that go on.
[Africa Correspondent] Yeah, shame that. So…could you comment on the violent scenes that marred the recent elections that again brought your already wafer-thin credibility into disrepute, further tarnishing the imagine of Africa as a whole?
[Ghana Analyst] What!?
[Africa Correspondent] …What?
[Ghana Analyst] I do not know where you have got your information from, but you are mistaken. There has been relatively little violence surrounding these elections, certainly nothing on the scale of what has taken place elsewhere.
[Africa Correspondent] There must be some mistake. No tribal warfare over land, or goats or whatever you people fight about? No spears? Your elections always play out like that, it’s so good to watch.
[Ghana Analyst] You have been misinformed sir. What do want me to say?
[Africa Correspondent] I want you to speak on the tragedy. Y’know, the killings and things…Like Zimbabwe or Kenya. Gimme some of that.
[Ghana Analyst] No.
[Africa Correspondent] Ok, ok, no violence. So what about the vote rigging? How did you deal with that particular problem that invariably plagues African elections?
[Ghana Analyst] Did you even observe these elections? There has been no wide spread violence or vote rigging. It is not all corruption and murder when an election takes place in Africa.
[Africa Correspondent] No violence? No vote rigging? So what did happen?
[Ghana Analyst] Free and fair elections. The preliminary round was too close to call a winner outright so a secondary round was required to choose between Mr Atta-Mills and Akufo-Addo. Our people spoke with their votes and we have a new, democratically elected president in Mr Atta-Mills to lead us towards greater times.
[Africa Correspondent] Oh, fascinating. Look, I was given the impression that there was a story here…but it seems that nothing exciting happened, except this Mills guy I never heard of being elected. A black president isn’t even news any more…I think I should go now.
[Ghana Analyst] You are trying to tell me you only came to the country to report on violence and corruption?
[Africa Correspondent] I was also thinking of doing a famine side piece…Are there any hungry kids around?
[Ghana Analyst] Aiee! What is this!? I have been extremely tolerant but I will no longer suffer the indignation of you parading your ignorance of my country like some idiot man. Did you come here to talk seriously or not? I will show you are many good stories in Ghana.
[Africa Correspondent] Fine, I’ll bite…I still have some time to kill. Shoot.
[Ghana Analyst] Good. Well, the big news is the economy. Ghana is doing very well in comparison to some of our neighbours and even other nations worldwide. Our GDP growth is approaching double digits and our deficit is falling at the same time. This is good news indeed.
[Africa Correspondent] *sigh*
[Ghana Analyst] …In addition to this, we have the recent discovery of offshore oil reserves which will be a great boost to the economy in future years, and is sure to bring increased investment to our country. And–
[Africa Correspondent] Stop. I can’t do this. How can I take this back to the studio? “You came back from Africa without a disaster story!?” they’ll say. Dammit, my reputation is on the line here.
[Ghana Analyst] Bu–
[Africa Correspondent] No! We can talk when you’ve got something dysfunctional to say. Until then I’ll be in Zimbabwe, recovering from this train wreck of an interview with a real African story.
[Correspondent leaves interview]
[Ghana Analyst] Eh! What a foolish man. He never even gave me his name.
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