Tag Archive | "invasion"

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All R Kelly Music Banned From Military Following Urinating Incident

WASHINGTON DC – Barack Obama has confirmed all of R Kelly’s music is to be banned from the military in the wake of an online video showing Marines urinating on dead Afghans.

Officials in the military have blamed the negative influence of the R&B star for giving the false impression that one could record themselves urinating on another human being and get away with it.

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Blair Tells Iraq Inquiry: “I Stuck My Fingers In My Ears”

ENGLAND – Tony Blair has told an Iraq inquiry that he disregarded warnings attacking Iraq would be illegal without further UN backing, because he had stuck his fingers in his ears ‘before Lord Goldsmith could finish his sentence’.

The ex-PM had believed his top legal officer would have taken the hint that he didn’t want to know whether a second UN resolution was needed once he started screaming in monotone.

Lord Goldsmith already confessed to being “uncomfortable” about Mr Blair’s conduct before the conflict.

Legality concerns

On January 14, 2003,  Mr Blair was told UN Security Council resolution 1441, which declared Iraq in “material breach” of its obligations to disarm, was not enough on its own to justify the use of force against Iraq.

Lord Goldsmith then described how he was cut off from completing his sentence when Mr Blair “jammed both fingers into his ears and began crying out a shrill rendition of Ricky Martin’s Living La Vida Loca…It was all heavily perplexing.”

Mr Blair said in a statement to the inquiry: “I had not yet got to the stage of a rolling on the floor nor did I think it was necessary at that stage as I thought he had got the message.”

At the hearing, he looked to be struggling to understand there was confusion over his defense for not ignoring multiple warnings to aid US forces in toppling Saddam Hussein.

“I don’t know about you but where I come from that clearly indicates that one does not wish to hear what the other is saying.”

Questionable explanation

To clarify his point, he held both index fingers in his right and left ears to demonstrate how one could drown out the sound of rational advice from those around him.

“As you can see,” he shouted to the assembled committee, “I can’t hear a word, so there’s no way I could have been informed that we did not have the legal or moral authority to invade Iraq on the basis of such flimsy evidence.”

His defence is causing much debate among political analysts who the soundness of the See No Evil, Hear No Evil approach taken by Mr Blair in the lead up to the invasion.

“It’s a solid argument the inquiry now has to consider,” said Gerald Kean.

“I used that same defense one time when I was 10 and the other kids tried telling me the girl I liked had cooties.”

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Bin Laden Manhunt Continues On Moon

Earth’s nearest neighbour is now scene of America’s fight against terrorism and search for Osama Bin Laden as the Obama administration invaded the moon last week. It is believed that while no direct threat was made by the moon or it’s inhabitants, new evidence has suggested that the satellite may be providing a safe breeding ground for Islamic militants and could even be used as a hiding place for Osama Bin Laden.  US press secretary Robert Gibbs told reporters that President Obama and his military advisers deemed it a just war as “the possibility of moon men forming alliances with al-Qaeda was too big of a risk to ignore”.

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