UNITED KINGDOM – Coalition leaders David Cameron and Nick Clegg have agreed to seek professional help and take counseling sessions in a bid to repair their troubled relationship.
Following recent poor election results , the couple cited “political differences” and “budget issues” as primary factors in the current breakdown of their relationship.
The Deputy Prime Minister is also understood to have highlight a “lack of intimacy” during policy making sessions in Parliament.
Though this week saw the pair renew their vows, relationship experts have dismissed the exercise as a sham.
“This is very typical behaviour,” said marriage counsellor Pamela Mitchell. “When two people feel pressure to make their relationship appear copacetic they will often look to such grand public gestures like roses, balloons, or reaffirming political mandates expressed when they were first forced to meet.”
“But this outward show of demonstrating undying commitment to each others political views does nothing to address the issues below the surface.”
City businessman Michael Spencer suggested trouble has been brewing for some time after a dinner with David Cameron and other Tory donors.
“Nick wasn’t in the room and the money was flowing so I think Dave was more relaxed and said things he otherwise wouldn’t have – these things happen.”
During the dinner, the Prime Minister is said to have indicated a tendency by Nick Clegg to “nag nag nag,” adding: “As soon as I walk through the door that’s all I get from him. Nag nag nag.”
Mimicking his deputy in a nasal tone, Mr Cameron continued: “‘But David, we can’t pass this health care bill in its current form, it’s not fair.’”
“’But David, we should at least consider the benefits of a pro-EU stance before distancing ourselves from its key leaders.'”
“Nag nag nag.”
For better or worse
Perhaps the most revealing comment came when the Conservative leader claimed: “It makes me want to hold snap election now and be done with it.”
Meanwhile, it’s understood the Deputy Prime Minister is unhappy at David Cameron’s inability to “really listen” to his issues.
Privately, Mr Clegg has told others he felt that “Dave doesn’t understand what I want…or maybe he does and just doesn’t care about me or my desire for alternative voting.”
“Sometimes after a long day when we’re talking about plans I have for government, I just see his eyes glaze over.”
“He always denies it, but I know. Call it a deputy’s intuition.”