PENTAGON – U.S. officials have confirmed Iran are now leading the race to host World War III after a failed rocket launch led to an embarrassing setback from close rivals North Korea.
A decision will be made soon about where the third global military showcase, which will see aerial assaults, ground incursions, and the popular 100 metre sprint, takes place.
Organisers agreed that technically Iran have the superior bid in that technically they could be developing weapons of mass destruction.
World War III is expected to attract the biggest names in military prowess and as host nation, Iran would have safe passage to the finals without having to qualify by attacking nearby smaller countries.
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad graciously accepted the frontrunner status in front of an impressive “Death To America” banner where he confirmed he would “never” halt the country’s uranium enrichment programme.
In an effort to bolster Iran’s chance of securing host status, he went on to publicly deny Israel’s right to exist – a clear sign of pandering to the selection committee which includes an Israeli delegation.
The committee, chaired United States and Britain are currently searching for a suitable venue to follow from a highly successful World War in Germany.
‘They tick all the boxes’
Such is the progress the Iranian bid has made that talks are already underway to hold a series of bombing raids on targeted facilities to test their readiness for a full campaign.
“They’ve put together an impressive package,” said Secretary of State Hillary Clinton who had been impressed with Iran’s grandstanding and failure to cooperate with UN regulators on nuclear inspections.
Mrs Clinton noted: “Iran have a bid that appears to have it all. Including an authoritarian regime lead by a belligerent head of state not afraid to spew crazy rhetoric toward the West when in front of a camera, and easy access to Israel where many competitors will be travelling from.”
Iran’s bid now looks to be the only serious option on the table. After North Korea’s failed rocket launch U.S. committee have questioned whether the communist state are fully prepared to host such an important event.
“That rocket fiasco was a major setback for North Korean hopes,” said an aide to the Obama administration. “If they had gotten that right we would definitely be looking at them as a potential candidate to host this war.”
Secretary of Defense Robert Gates was more scathing in his analysis.
“We’re talking about the largest and most expensive military campaign in the world. You’ve got to be able to launch a God damn rocket into space! How else will we be able to fabricate a preconceived narrative to justify hosting a long and drawn out military event in their country?”
“They’ve definitely blown their chance. Absolute shambles,” he added.
It’s thought an outside bid could come from China but Mr Gates admitted it was unlikely as “we still owe them, a bucketload of cash…so they can pretty much get away with what they want to.”