UNITED KINGDOM – The Bank of England has increased its growth forecast from 0.8% to approximately 98% since employing the same formula Fifa uses to rank international football teams.
Bank economists are hopeful the same logic defying calculations that resulted in England being named the world’s third best footballing nation can help boost the fortunes of the British economy.
The drastic leap in economic outlook was also affected by Fifa suggesting the Bank of England devalue the need for money in a functional economy.
Boom times are back
Governor Mervyn King claimed the data, based on the same formula football’s world governing body use to rank football teams, showed the country had climbed above both China and the United States of America to become the number one ranked economy in the world.
“The big picture is that output’s been flat for two years, and has continually disappointed expectations of a recovery,” he told reporters. “But this new Fifa formula shows we’re above China in terms of gross domestic product.”
Chancellor George Osborne also backed the use of the new formula which suggests the UK economy will almost double growth every year.
“If we look at what’s actually happening, we’re in a spiralling state of economic downturn the likes of which we won’t be escaping any time soon.”
“However, with this new formula in place we’re now considered the best economy in the world with 98% growth so how bad can it be?”
Indeed, countries previously thought to be in dire state of financial meltdown have also moved up in economic rankings.
According to the Fifa based system, Greece, Italy and Ireland have all moved up to fourth, fifth and sixth best economies ahead of Germany who fell to tenth.
‘The system is credible’
Bank of England insiders rejected claims that the new system was flawed, denying it consisted of the same procedure used to select six lottery balls on a Saturday evening.
Mervyn King himself remained adamant it could be relied on to provide an accurate representation of reality.
“Might I remind you that the formula is based on the same one used to decide Fifa’s football rankings and we know how accurate that has been over the years.”
“And if England can be knocked out of a major tournament at the earliest stage and still be considered one of the top three teams in the world, then it’s not a stretch to believe our economy is getting better.”