SPACE – The United Nations Security Council is said to be ‘considering all available options’ after the biggest nuclear demonstration in four years saw the Sun unleash a brazen display of offensive attack not seen since Christian Bale’s eye line was momentarily obstructed.
The ‘hostile actions’ from the molten ball of fire have unsurprisingly been met with concern from leading UN members over the motives of it’s nuclear energy program, after launching waves of charged particles from electrified gas into space and toward Earth with ‘blatant disregard’ for UV levels.
Experts say the Sun may have been secretly developing its nuclear program for as long as 4.5 billion years, leading to the logical conclusion that it is now actively engaged in developing a nuclear weapon ‘in broad daylight’.
Despite multiple calls for an explanation into last week’s events, the Sun has so far failed to issue a statement regarding its nuclear intentions.
Any display of force could disrupt communications systems, satellites and electrical power grids – potentially leaving millions without the ability to play Playstation.
This hesitation to provide details has put a question mark on its previously assumed peaceful intention of providing life on Earth, with US Secretary of State Hilary Clinton claiming “we are now seeing the sun’s true colours come out…and they’re not yellow with a smiley face like it would have us believe.”
The Security Council have already expressed interest in sending a special envoy to open dialogue with the celestial body, although the Obama administration feel the Sun has intentionally made conditions on the ground impossible for weapons inspection, another sign it may be hiding nefarious ambitions as it continues to ramp up it’s nuclear capability.
‘What is it’s true motive?’
Should it fail to comply and continue it’s development and proliferation of nuclear material, the UN council could initiate a round of sanctions on the celestial body, this after pressure from British and American governments to impose tougher and more targeted economic restrictions including an immediate halt on all vitamin D exports to Earth.
The incident has prompted heated debate over whether the Sun should be allowed to maintain any kind of nuclear program without proper oversight.
Privately, there are serious doubts over whether sanctions alone will be enough and a growing feeling that a preemptive strike will be needed as “anyone with a third grade education can see the Sun has no intention of stopping it’s nuclear ambitions any time soon.”