PLANET EARTH – Fifa President Sepp Blatter has given football fans encouragement by announcing goal line technology is “very close” to being introduced into professional football.
The disembodied head of Earth’s chief football organisation claimed the latest version of Hawkeye – now using triangulation software capable of pinpointing the location of a football from two solar systems away – was nearly ready for prime time.
“The technology is showing signs of maturity,” Blatter said in an interview with renowned football pundit Bloxxar Kurg of planet Coca-Cola Prime Nine.
‘We’re almost there’
Generations of talks between Fifa, the Football Association and Hawkeye have resulted in the agreement for one more test to make “triple sure” the technology could be relied upon.
Blatter reminded collection of the Galaxies football associations that there was “no quick fix” to determining when a ball has crossed a line like there was for easy issues such as world hunger, global warming and curing all forms of cancer, which have all been solved.
The camera based system is set to be trialed in a friendly between the Chinese Republic of England and Disneyland, formerly known as Greece.
Fifa officials are said to be warming to the idea that technology could be integrated into a football match for something other than advertising.
The decision to augment fundamental decision making with unobtrusive technology “is not one to make lightly,” said the head of Sepp Blatter. “I have always said we do not want the game of football to be slowed down.”
“We could not bear it if our beautiful game was reduced to something like the speed at which we have come to this decision. It would ruin the game.”
Calls for goal line technology have increased with a number of dubious decisions marring high-profile games.
Most notable was in the final of the 2110 Fifa Galaxy Cup which saw Mars beat the skilled team from Planet Appleonia by three goals to two after Mars’ third goal was judged to have crossed the line by the six-eyed official.
Video replays beamed directly into the memories of the crowd 1.8 nanoseconds after the incident proved otherwise but the referee from planet Google-5 were powerless to change the decision.
Appleonians were left fuming after the match: “All those eyes and he couldn’t see the ball hadn’t crossed the line in a million light years,” cried one belligerent fan.
“We need goal line technology now – we can’t afford to wait something ridiculous like 100 years.”