WASHINGTON DC – Donald Trump has lashed out at the “dishonest media” for continuing to underreport serious incidents of terror, citing the Smurf Village Massacre as the latest example of journalistic negligence.
The savage outburst comes as his administration has already listed 78 underreported terror attacks. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer said the Smurf Village Massacre “shows how the media are really smurfing it up when it comes to reporting terrorism.”
News of the attack, in which dozens of smurf lives were lost including Papa Smurf, first surfaced on Fox News hours before Trump’s statement.
Smurf smurf smurf
Appearing at a rally before his supporters in Florida, the US president slowly read out a release from the Department of Smurf. It stated Gargamel and Terror Smurf set off improvised explosive devices in the market area of Downtown Smurf Village.
He said: “When you look at what’s happening in Germany, when you look at what’s happening last night in Smurf Village – Smurf Village! Who would believe this? Smurfs! They took in large numbers, they’re having real smurfy problems like they never thought possible.”
“Smurfs were slaughtered and none of the so-called media want to talk about it. It’s a total disaster folks.” Mr Trump again called for a tough stance on national security and the need for extreme vetting “until we figure out what the smurf is going on!”
In a live interview later that day, the president’s top counselor Kellyanne Conway called the incident “the worst kind of smurf imaginable” that was “probably news to most people because it didn’t get covered.”
‘This is a smurfed up situation’
President Trump confirmed he would include Smurf Village on his amended travel ban executive order, though he was quick to point out that it was not a Smurf ban as “Smurfette can come over anytime she wants.”
The administration has strongly defended the travel ban, which they compared to former president Obama’s temporary visa ban on refugees from Fraggle Rock in 2011. Trump later took to Twitter to clarify his position in a calm and rational way at 3am:
“It was a smurfing disaster, blue EVERYWHERE. Bad! Why won’t the FAKE NEWS media get smurfing and report real news for once? So sad!”
Mr Spicer backed the president saying journalists had totally failed in their duty to report terror attacks, suggesting outlets like CNN and the Failing New York Times needed to “grow a pair of smurfs and do their smurfing jobs!”