SCOTLAND YARD – Specialist search and rescue teams have abandoned the search for Liberal Democrats reported missing after devastating election results swept over the party.
Two aircraft and over a dozen political advisers had been brought in to survey the wreckage of council and European elections, but have decided to end the search having failed to find even a trace of liberal policies remaining.
Many party members have now not been seen since elections began, leading several voters to fear the worst: that they wasted their vote in 2010.
‘It’s now hopeless’
According to reports, the Liberal Democrat party were last seen coasting towards elections when a storm of poor results ripped the party apart, leaving them stranded with barely a seat to hang onto.
Families of the missing had clung to hope their loved ones could still be found with their political futures in tact but a spokesperson for the Met has warned those concerned to “brace themselves for some bad news.”
Search coordinator Sergeant Neil Ashford said it was always heartbreaking to end a search empty-handed but that his team had done everything in the search for the missing Lib Dems, “except vote for them of course”.
“It is with sincere compassion and regret that we are forced to call of the search for over 300 members of the Liberal Democrat party.”
Sergeant Ashford regretfully concluded that the party was so far lost in the political wilderness that chances of finding them in time for the general election were as remote as the chances of Nigel Farage taking Romanian language classes.
Blame game
Despite the news, party leader Nick Clegg called for the search to be extended, suggesting police begin again at the lost party member’s last known credible location.
However, search officials said they did not have the technology to go back four years in time.
“We can’t give up hope. I know they are still out there somewhere,” said the Lib Dem leader whose duties as Deputy Prime Minister are thought to have been taken over by former chief mouse catcher Larry the Cat.
With the search officially winding down Mr Clegg declared he would be leading the search himself, calling on “compassionate party supporters” to volunteer their efforts to continue the search for the missing Lib Dems.
As yet no responses have been forthcoming.
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