Geneva Deal To Grant Nick Clegg Safe Passage Out Of Coalition

SWITZERLAND – A preliminary deal has been reached that could see Nick Clegg granted safe passage out of the Coalition government back to Liberal Democrat obscurity.

A framework is currently in place in which Nick Clegg would be freed from his powerless position as Deputy Prime Minister, escaping further ridicule and embarrassment, before the 2015 General Election.

Nick Clegg was on hand for comment, but was not asked for his opinion.

Political aid

Delegates from the Conservative Party, Liberal Democrat Party and UN Secretary General Ban Ki-moon met in Geneva this week to negotiate terms of the deal.

Government and opposition delegates also spoke of releasing other Lib Dem coalition MPs and enabling aid to those to politically damaged to safely move from Whitehall.

Humanitarian groups have long called on the British government to allow Nick Clegg to escape the barrage of demeaning comments that have constantly bombarded his empty position in government.

Mr Clegg has been trapped in a meaningless role with no real power since unwittingly stumbling into government after the 2010 General Election.

“This is a humanitarian disaster,” said Mr Ban who described talks between parties as “tense”.

“For the past four years Nick has been subjected to brutal conditions: we make fun of him all the time, his own people don’t respect him and he must battle daily against feelings of extreme powerlessness.”

Mr Ban insisted that “no one should have to go through a meaningless existence like this,” adding: “we must get him out of there.”

This comes after the David Cameron had a terse exchange with Ban Ki-moon over the terms and said only the British people could decide Mr Clegg’s fate.

The conflict has left more than 30 vertebrae in Nick Clegg’s spine displaced.

‘We remain optimistic’

With discussions still ongoing, many observers agree the coalition had become “inhospitable” for Nick Clegg and could get even worse in 2015.

Talks got of to a rocky start however, with David Cameron reportedly refusing to sit down at the negotiation table until Nick Clegg furnished it with tea and biscuits.

But with all sides recognising the importance of a deal, there was optimism that a positive solution would be found.

Speaking on the deal, Chancellor George Osborne said: “We want to get the most vulnerable out first and Nick has suffered more than anyone.  We made sure of that.”

“Once that’s done maybe we can get them all out before the next General Election.”

 

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