Hansel and Gretel Found To Contain Traces of War Horse

UNITED KINGDOM – Paramount Pictures have been forced to recall their new movie from cinemas after initial screenings confirmed it contained traces of War Horse.

The action horror remake of the classic fairytale was found to contain up 30% of the equine based war drama, prompting an immediate removal from theatres nationwide.

Smaller amounts of War Horse were also found in The Avengers, Battleship and Total Recall.

War Horse scandal

Across Europe the production labeled as “Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters” has been found to be contaminated with War Horse and the contamination looks to have even affected straight-to-video titles according to sources.

After an initial denial, Paramount confirmed the 90 minute fantasy production had in fact been adulterated with several of scenes from the 2011 Steven Spielberg epic thought to have found their way into the movie during a “gross error” in the editing process.

Moviegoers were understandably to be shocked by the revelation and are demanding answers.

“Well it’s an outrage is what it is,” said one angry member of the public.  “I paid for Hansel and Gretel.  It clearly says ‘Hansel and Gretel’ on my cinema ticket.  So forgive me for expecting 100% Hansel and Gretel.”

“The fact that we were fed something other than what we paid for was even worse than the film itself, and I didn’t think that was possible,” said another disgruntled viewer.

However, after seeing the film several attendees did admitted something “felt out of place” when Hansel formed a deep bond with a horse wandering in the forest 30 minutes into the screening.

Public outrage

Studio officials stressed the contaminated title – shown across hundreds of cinemas over the UK and Ireland – posed no risk to the health of the public, unless they actually sat through and watched the entire thing.

However, a Paramount spokesman said customers affected could return tickets for a full refund and Inception on Blu-Ray.

In an effort to determine just how far the scandal has spread, the UK Film Council announced it would now conduct a full investigation into other blockbuster titles in search of War Horse scenes.

Fast and Furious was thought to contain traces of War Horse but further tests showed it actually contains large amounts of Raging Bull.

In related news, John Carter has been banned from screening after authorities said it misled the public into thinking it was a watchable piece of entertainment and is now facing charges of serious fraud.

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