Olympics: Incredible Hulk Protests Innocence Amid Doping Controversy


LONDON – The Incredible Hulk is fighting to save his reputation after being accused of taking performance enhancing substances during the London Olympics.

The damning allegation followed a series of “disturbing” gold medal performances in the men’s weightlifting contest which saw the Hulk destroy the world record by approximately five metric tonnes.

However, he did go on to lose to China’s Zhang Jike in the table tennis singles final.

Cheat speculation

Commentators were stunned at a performance in which he successfully lifted 94 kg plus an additional 5000 kg “as if it was nothing” then went on to throw a television crew van clear of the grounds before leaping over the Olympic stadium to the nearby velodrome in a single bound.

Several officials in attendance suggested “serious questions” needed to be asked, though the allegations sparked angry reactions from the coaching team and comic book geeks alike.

Hulk has denied taking any banned substances having already passed a drugs test prior to the start of the games.  He has been cleared to compete in his remaining events including the shot put, 200m hurdles and the 3 km long jump over buildings.

The news represents the biggest controversy at the Olympic games since Popeye was handed a lifetime ban in 1996 having been found guilty of consuming large quantities of performance enhancing salad.

Since then drug testing standards have tightened significantly, but Russian coach Sergei Pavlenko believes it is still possible for gaps to be exploited.

“No system can be foolproof,” argued Pavlenko.  “You saw same thing as me.  What he did, it’s not natural.“

“The way he flip truck over like child throw toys?”

“And the veins on his neck.  I’m just saying IOC must take closer look at this guy.”

‘Hulk strongest there is’

In a brief but strongly worded statement the seven foot, 1040 pound athlete categorically stated: “Hulk no drug cheat,” before adding: “Hulk smash hurtful lies.”

He attributed his success to a rigorous training schedule and hard work and has been backed by his coaches who have all dismissed doping claims as sour grapes.

“Hulk practise.  Coach good,” explained the gigantic humanoid.  “Hulk never lazy. Hulk train hard.”

Head coach Captain America also moved to make clear that “Hulk is 100% clean.  No way he’s juicing.”

“Hulk puts his all into every event he enters,” he insisted.  “He gets over excited sometimes but I don’t think that should count against him.”

An investigation is under way.

Leave a Reply