United States To End All Manned Missions To Space Mountain

DISNEYLAND – In a blow for U.S. space ambitions, the White House has confirmed it will end all manned missions to Space Mountain from 2013.

The decision is part of ongoing changes in the national space policy which document the withdrawal of American interests in a number of space themed rides due to budgets reductions.

Although a disappointment to many, Americans aged seven and above and at least 44 inches tall have been hardest hit by the announcement.

Policy shift

Disneyland officials confirmed the number of scheduled rides launched to the $20 million complex would be scaled down over the year until rides ceased completely in January.

With the U.S. already ending its 30 year space shuttle program, the discontinuation of human occupied Space Mountain excursions is being seen as a major setback in the race for rollercoaster supremacy.

Speaking at the entrance of the fast pass lane, President Barack Obama explained in a joint statement that focus would now shift away from Space Mountain and towards restarting the Mission to Mars ride halted in 1992.

Future carriages would instead be equipped with cameras and video feed relayed back to the gift shop where “visitors will still be able to get photos for an unreasonable fee,” promised the president.

Next to Mr Obama, Mickey Mouse mimed his disappointment over the news, but went on to gesticulate his optimisation over plans for future rides, or that he urgently needed to scratch his back.

Following the news out of the White House, Disneyland Hong Kong reiterated to its visitors they have “no plans to alter the course of our policy towards Space Mountain”.

This has led to critics blasting the president for handing U.S. initiative in the field of space themed attractions to China.

‘Teacups won’t cut it’

Veterans of Space Mountain were bitterly disappointed by the news including Eli Maddis, the first American to travel to the top of Space Mountain under the presidency of Gerald Ford.

Shawn Daniels, 12, has travelled on a record 78 Space Mountain missions and called this a “dark day” in the history of Disneyland rides.

President Obama did move to reassure the public that there were still many great frontiers to be explored such as Frontierland at the opposite en of the park.

“There is still so much to see,” he said.  “The parades along Main Street…those are always good.”

Though he was forced to concede that the It’s A Small World ride was “kinda crappy”.

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