Bigots Forced To Decide Which They Hate Less: Black Guy Or Mormon

UNITED STATES – Voters who class themselves as bigots are being forced to face an “impossible choice” in the 2012 presidential elections: choosing between a Mormon and a black guy.

A recent survey of bigots showed up to 80% were afraid they will have to put aside unfounded bias and consider the policy of each candidate to make an informed decision.

The study indicated the dilemma facing bigots during the Presidential election, with many still undecided over which class of person they hated the most.

Sophie’s choice

The matchup between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama had now jeopardised the historical bigot voting strategy of picking the not black guy.

“Historically I’ve always categorised myself as a general bigot, but now I will have to decide: am I a racial bigot or a religious bigot?” Admitted Cletus Humphries of Mississippi.

“It was really sad to see Michelle Bachmann drop out of the race.  She may be a woman, but she was white and the kind of Christian I like.”

However, political analysts expressed concern the Romney-Obama match up could split the bigot vote and weaken a crucial demographic of people who decide their candidate based on fear and prejudice.

Bill Peterson gave an insight into the struggle:  “One comes from a group of people whose values are so alien to what I been raised to believe as true.  And the other is a Mormon.”

‘It should have been easy’

The task to choose the next president was proving especially tough for bigots that typically vote Republican.

“I haven’t had this tough a choice to make since the time I had to decide whether to draw Obama as Hitler or a monkey on a protest banner,” said one Tea Party voter.

“In the end I chose Hitler, but I don’t know if I can go through such a tough decision again.”

Romney’s inevitable appointment as Republican candidate was causing many to re-evaluate their plan of picking for the first person who wasn’t black.

With a tough election ahead, Mr Peterson confessed a longing for the days when presidential choices weren’t so controversial.  “What happened to guys like Bush, or even Clinton?”

“You know, white male christians that didn’t cause any problems for anyone.”

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