Florida Police Release List of Approved Attire For Black People

ORLANDO – Following the fatal shooting of an innocent black teenager, police in Florida have compiled a list of clothing considered acceptable for young black men to be seen wearing around white people.

The two page document provides young African-Americans with a list of clothes considered acceptable to be seen wearing should they wish to avoid being gunned down by neighbourhood watch volunteers.

Dubbed the “Fashion Whitelist”, the scheme has been initiated in reaction to the shooting of Trayvon Martin while sporting what is now known to be the faux pas combination of hooded sweatshirt and dark face.

Clarification

The author of the document, Florida police chief Bill Lee, compiled the list shortly after temporarily stepping down from his position.

Mr Lee said the incident was “one tragedy too many and the department needed to take necessary steps to let all black people know what to wear when in white neighbourhoods.”

He also made clear that wearing clothing not on the approved list “would leave African-American men with no legal recourse should they be subsequently be hunted down like Bugs Bunny during wabbit season.”

According to high-ranking police officials, the shooting of Treyvon Martin could have been avoided had the 17-year-old known that hoodies were not on the list which has been approved by over 90% of gun carrying Caucasians.

Weighing in on the debate, Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi suggested that if black people could not avoid wearing a hoodie, “they should take extra precautions by make sure they were accompanied by a white person.”

A spokesman for the Attorney General’s office said it was no understatement to suggest lives will be saved with this information.

Better late than never

Although the list has existed for several years, this is the first time it has been officially documented and published outside of the country club.

“We hope that with the publication of this information, African-Americans will now understand that there are just some fashion items you can wear and expect not to get shot,” said Mr Lee.

One of the list’s backers, Geraldo Rivera, called the information necessary for the preservation of young African-Americans.  In the view of the Fox News Reporter: “If I see a black kid in a hoodie, I have to assume that he is up to no good.”

“Just like when people see me in a suit and tie on TV they have to assume I’m a legitimate reporter.”

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