Rail Operators To Increase Taking The Piss By 5.9%

UNITED KINGDOM – Rail operators will increase taking the piss with ticket prices by an average of 5.9% this year, the Association of Train Operating Companies has confirmed.

Multiple factors, including a rise in inflation has meant the cost of the average season ticket will take the piss much more than it did last year, although some operator may decide to take the piss even more.

The piss taking increases are set to take effect across England Scotland and Wales.

Market forces

A season ticket from Brighton to London Victoria increases by £256, to a total cost of £3,200 – taking the piss by 8% more.

“Brighton to London Vic is how much?! Well that’s just bloody taking the piss init,” said one commuter.

An official statement clarified that “obviously some routes would take the piss less, but some routes would take the piss more than others as every case is different so we cannot expect a uniform spread of piss taking when paying for tickets.”

Labour attacked the unprecedented levels of piss taking facing commuters, but the government reminded critics the amount rail companies took the piss could have been much more had Chancellor George Osborne not capped piss taking increases to 6%, instead of the expected 8%.

Edward Welsh, corporate affairs director at Atoc, attempted to explain the increases facing commuters.

“We recognise that these are hard economic times for people,” he said before insisting customers would soon see improvements to train services and stations.

However, he later admitted he had been taking the piss and confessed commuters could look forward “to the same delayed and urine soaked trains we do every year.”

Every year

Commuters were pragmatic in the face of the rise, with many admitting that the current levels of piss taking would be enough to make them reconsider using the train were it not for the cost of driving into work which was still being a bigger piss take in many cases.

Mr Welsh placed some blame for annual rise of increased piss taking, suggesting they followed a usual predictable schedule “unlike our trains.”

“It is an inconvenient truth that piss taking will have to go up from time to time.  There’s just nothing we can do about it.”

He also reminded passengers of the new payment option for 2012 which would allow customers to be shaken down at the barriers if they were in a rush.

“We’ll take whatever cash you got really.”

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