CONNECTICUT – The world of children’s entertainment has been stunned by the death of two rival clowns described as ‘bitter enemies to the last pie gag’.
At 14:27pm EDT this Tuesday, Bozo the Clown was mercilessly gunned down at a birthday party while performing his classic Comically Trip Over and Pretend You Can’t Get Up routine (TM).
He was shot six times, including one in the red nose, and pronounced dead at the scene.
“We told the kids it was part of the act,” said mother Janet Potter who is upset to only have received 2 hours and 27 minutes of the full five hours paid for.
School of hard laughs
The news comes on the back of more clown tragedy following a similar attack on Biggles the Clown in the early hours of Sunday morning with non water-based artillery.
Prominent clown and current McDonald’s spokesman Ronald McDonald called it “a sad day for clowns everywhere.” and condemned the act of ‘senseless’ violence that has “taken two of the finest clowns from us before their time.”
Chuckles the Clown, a long time partner to Bozo was left distraught after the news and has since become a sad clown.
“Bozo was the greatest clown ever,” said Chuckles. “He would make that balloon animal and you’d swear it was a real giraffe. I…I can’t do this. Turn the camera off!”
The two incidents have made public a long-standing feud between rival clown schools.
A recent flashpoint saw a standoff at the recent Clown Awards Show in which rivals from the Guffaw Institute of Clowning confronted counterparts from Slap Happy Clown School – Pies were drawn but no-one was hurt.
Another former Bozo colleague shed some light on the clown rivalry: “The clowns from Guffaw and Slap Happy were always arguing over who had the best prop comedy routines.”
“Things got tense sure. But I never thought it would come to this.”
‘It doesn’t have to be like this’
In a strange twist of fate, media coverage of the deaths have led to a surge in popularity for clown memorabilia.
The industry now thought to be worth as much as $64,000 a year resulting from a dramatic rise in the sales of red noses and over-sized novelty shoes.
Sales of Bozo’s spoken word album Clown Life have gone through the roof since his death as have the sale of his rival Biggles’ Ready to Laugh.
Leading calls for an end to the fighting, Chuckles the Clown went as far as to offer to drive members of rival clown schools to a peace summit. “My car has space for 25 clowns, maybe 30 at a squeeze.”
“We’re all clowns here,” he pleaded. “It don’t matter if you make balloon animals or throw pies. It’s all family friendly entertainment at an affordable hourly rate.”
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