God Rejects David Cameron ‘Absent Father’ Label

EVERYWHERE – God, father to Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, has hit back against David Cameron after falling victim to the ‘bad dad’ label branded by the UK Prime Minister.

The attack came after Mr Cameron called for absent fathers to be treated as drunk drivers, adding that fathers had a duty to support “financially and emotionally” their children.

It is this statement that caused many fathers to react angrily, and none more so than the omnipresent deity who is reported to be in a ‘particularly vengeful mood’ after the comments which cast serious doubt over His parenting skills.

Blanket statement

“It is high time runaway dads were stigmatised and the full force of shame was heaped upon them,” the Prime Minister said.

“They should be looked at like drink drivers, people who are beyond the pale. They need the message rammed home to them…leaving single mothers, who do a heroic job against all odds, to fend for themselves simply isn’t acceptable.”

This was thought to be in reference to Jesus’ well-known need to create miracles in order to get a decent meal – an example of what happens when the father is not there to adequately provide for a child.

Although He has not spoken directly, a statement was issued by God’s legal team – Thomas Mesereau, the ghost of Johnnie Cochran and Jack McCoy from Law and Order – to determine what legal action can be taken against such what they believe to be character defamation.

Mr Cochran has already indicating their clients “disappointment” over such poor choice of words by Mr Cameron to apply to all absent fathers “Almighty or otherwise.”

‘Slander of the highest order’

“Yes, our client was not with the boy in physical form but was always present in Holy Spirit,” added Mesereau.

The team confirmed they would be investigating all available legal avenues to protect God’s name and would likely seek hefty compensation in addition to an apology from David Cameron.

Speaking to journalists, Mr Cochran went on to say: “We believe the Prime Minister failed to take into account the particulars of this situation and will be exploring our options in order to remove this most heinous of labels. ”

“No further questions.  Thank you.”

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