Escaped Snake Returns To Natural Wall Street Habitat

NEW YORK – A deadly snake thought to be loose in the city after escaping from Bronx Zoo has been found miles away in it’s natural habitat:  Wall Street.

The Egyptian cobra had been declared missing after staff at the zoo noticed it had escaped from it’s enclosure on Monday, but has now been reported to be slithered along the halls of a Wall Street trading floor.

Zoo officials were said to be “glad it turned up safe and in an atmosphere comfortable for snakes.”

After a search that has taken almost 24 hours, experts were said to be kicking themselves for not looking within New York’s financial district sooner.

‘It was the obvious place to look’

Professor Charles Ebert remarked that it was ‘glaringly obvious’ that the snake would have made its way to the financial district.

“Based on our knowledge of the natural history and behaviour of snakes, it is only natural that it would seek comfortable surroundings among like-minded creatures in Wall Street.”

“It would have blended in so well that I’m surprised anyone noticed,” he added.

It has Initially been expected that keepers from the zoo would attempt to move the snake, but such plans were scrapped when it began making winning stock picks, adding $62 million to the firm’s bottom line in just three hours of trading.

Perhaps surprisingly, fellow investors claimed not to have noticed anything amiss with the presence of a 20-inch-long snake alongside them until it began spitting venom at a co-worker in a dispute over an acceptable price for wheat futures.

Despite this, executives are thought to be considering offering it a permanent position – putting the incident down to a ‘misunderstanding of office etiquette’.

New home

Its keepers said they had no idea this breed of snake also had a natural ability for speculative trading – an ability that makes it deadly to unsuspecting humans as well as an unsuspecting economy.

“What can I say, the snake is a natural,” raved futures manager Andy Steinburg, who struggled to pick it out among the other traders in the office.

“It has all the attributes to make some real money:  A dead eyed, bottom crawling, unfeeling, cold-blooded slippery reptile with an instinctive skill for risky speculative trading.  This particular snake will do well here.”

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