Pacman Diagnosed With Diabetes


Legendary video game figure Pacman has been diagnosed with diabetes as a direct result of a lifestyle fueled by ‘excessive eating habits’.  The yellow circle is a 30 year veteran of the gaming industry famous for his ability to eat for hours on end without pause for breathe or even a drink to help digestion.

The news has rocked the gaming world and has become the biggest tragedy since Sonic developed rickets, a fact he is yet to come to terms with.

Reality check

Another victim of celebrity over indulgence, a life of non-stop excess appears to have caught up with Pacman after doctors diagnosed him with advanced stages of the type 2 variant of the disease, also labelling him clinically obese for a number of years.  He had been previously warned over his lifestyle back when he was just 2cm in diameter but has now ballooned to over 10cm having been rushed to hospital after collapsing on a trail run of a new maze in an upcoming Pacman game.

“This is not rocket science.  If you eat your weight in sugary treats there will be repercussion,” said Dr Elin Steiner who has treated a number of video game characters in the past, including Mario after multiple karting accidents, and Frogger when he was hit by an oncoming vehicle. “These people think they are indestructible.  Life just doesn’t work like that I’m afraid.”

Dr Steiner and her team have prescribed a glucose controlled diet in addition to more exercise than ‘just strolling around a maze all day’.

Game over?

Pacman himself said he had no regrets over his lifestyle and would “do it all over again if someone inserted another coin”.  This despite a career which could lead to kidney failure or heart attack, if he had either of those organs.

Medical experts are even advising Pacman to retire from his day job which could cost him his life, as a return to uncontrollable eating would mean ‘certain death’ for him.

While such a scenario would be a boost to the ghosts that roam the mazes, many video game characters have called on the beloved circle to call time on what many agree has been a illustrious career.  “No one wants to see him go out like this,” said Ryu from Street Fighter. “He just needs to take care of himself right now.  Him, Mrs Pacman and those little Pac-babies…or are those yellow M&Ms?”

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