Julian Assange Has Library Card Revoked

LONDON – In another instance of the backlash against WikiLeaks, founder Julian Assange has been informed that his access to the British Library has been terminated ‘with immediate effect’ after failing to return a book inside the stated allowance window.

The Australian native was also told that he would need to return his library card to the issue desk, or dispose of it himself.

“Unfortunately Mr Assange believes that library rules do not apply to him and for that reason we have been left with no option but to revoke the services of the library to him.”  Details of the publication or terms of the loan were not released, a staff member would only clarify that ‘Mr Assange was not the type of character we wished to see among our bookshelves’.

Six week loan period

The announcement is the latest in a line of companies to publicly distance themselves from the whistle-blowing organisation after Paypal, MasterCard, Amazon and Blockbuster Video have already cut off their services.

A clerk at Blockbuster revealed: “He didn’t bring back Hitch for two weeks! This is ridiculous, he thinks he can operate outside of the law like this? Bring films back whenever with no regard for the next customer?  Not on my shift.”

Supporters of WikiLeaks have reacted with predictable fury about the news.  Members of the infamous Anonymous group linked to 4chan promised swift retaliation, with members describing plans to launch a denial of service attack by “crowding the entrance to the British Library with people who had no desire to read books,” cutting off service to potentially hundreds for as long as they got bored and left.

‘I’ll just buy it online’

Analysts were unsure of the effect this would have on his ability to read the latest literary works as many agree that with online stores offering competitively priced products with next day delivery, he ‘had plenty of options still’.

Julian Assange blamed his late return on his recent spell in prison, adding  that it was regretful so many institutions were afraid to show support for his endeavours.  Speaking outside a London tanning salon before a 3:30pm appointment, he called the move a political reaction to American pressure that was as see-through as ‘my extremely white skin’.

“This has nothing to do with books.  Sure I brought it back late, but only by a day and I was willing to pay the fine so I don’t see what the problem was.”

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