“Jersey Shore Gave Me Brain Damage” Claims Woman

NEW JERSEY – A woman is suing MTV Networks after prolonged exposure to Jersey Shore left her with a mild aneurysm as a result of severe trauma.  

Mandy Carter, 28, was forced to watch as much as seven hours of the reality TV show about ‘people’ from New Jersey in a MTV commissioned marathon after being immobilised recovering in hospital from an unrelated condition.

“It was the most mind-numbing thing I have ever seen.  How can this be legal?” Blasted Ms Carter who is now considering legal action against the hospital in question.

It’s a Jersey thing

In addition to setting new lows for human depravity, the reality television explosion brings with it serious concerns about its effect on health.  Ms Carter is advocating the networks end the marathon session of reality programming or at least attach health warning pre-roll clips to indicate the ‘very real’ level of danger viewers are exposing themselves to by tuning in.

An MTV spokesman said they will not drop the show until ‘all the facts were known’ and an independent study proves a direct link between watching Jersey shore and permanent brain damage.

He did however confirm they would consider warnings to allow viewers to decide before potentially putting their long-term health at risk.

Not many people are aware that continued exposure to powerfully stupid shows may cause damage that experts believe could result in self-induced memory loss and other serious neurological harm.

“Seeing Flava Flav hook up every week must have serious ramifications for neurological development.  Of that we can have no doubt.”

“These networks are broadcasting shows featuring the most inane people in society without considering the effect hours of Jersey Shore, The Hills or A Shot At Love With Tila Tequila will have on well-adjusted healthy individuals.”

‘We have a situation’

It’s especially worrying for younger viewers still in the early stages of development stage who may not understand the difference between a normal function human being and Bret Micheals.

Exposure at a young age could leave many children harbouring ambitions of growing up to be a Snooki, a thought Ms Carter called ‘too grim to even consider’.

The FCC have commissioned a 30 year study chronicling damage done to major social functions caused by endless re-runs of reality TV programming.

Any findings will however come too late for Ms Carter who now reads at third grade level and has since lost all ability to empathise with people from New Jersey.

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