Ricky Hatton Admits Addiction To Crunchy Nut Cornflakes

MANCHESTER – Former world boxing champion Ricky Hatton has entered rehabilitation following newspaper allegations he has become ‘heavily’ addicted to Kellogg’s Crunchy Nut Cornflakes.  

The breakfast cereal made with flakes of corn, honey, three types of sugar, and chopped peanuts are notoriously addictive and has seen many lives ruined, but this would be the highest profile case and looks to have brought a tragic end to a successful sporting career.

His spokesman Max Clifford told the Press Association that he had once witnessed the boxer go through an entire box ‘without a spoon’.  Clifford added: “He met with a specialist and was told he has a Crunchy Nut problem.  He is in a very bad place.”

“I hope he can sort himself out and get himself clear because everyone knows that [with Crunchy Nut Cornflakes] it’s a one-way path.”

Ludicrously tasty

Reports claim Hatton could be suspended, fined or have his semi-skimmed milk supply withdrawn.  “We take this very seriously” said BBBC chairman Charles Giles.  “We all like the taste of Crunchy Nut, but there must be a limit and Ricky has passed that.”

A undercover video showed Hatton devour three boxes of the cereal within nine minutes, but promoter Frank Warren says that wasn’t the whole story: “What the video didn’t show is the huge pile of boxes in the corner” he revealed. “I wasn’t in the room, but I heard he went though 500 boxes inside an hour.  ”

“The Board enforces the strictest standards with regard to the use of both recreational and performance enhancing cereals by participants in any capacity in professional boxing,” the BBBC said in a statement.

A spokesman for Kellogg’s was regretful their product caused Hatton to ruin his life but added that the episode should serve as a testament to just how ‘damn delicious’ the cereal is.

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