Al-Qaeda Number Two Leaves To Launch Solo Terrorist Career

UNKNOWN MOUNTAINS – Ayman al-Zawahri has announced he is leaving popular terrorist organisation Al-Qaeda after more than a decade as second in command to launch his own solo terrorist career.  “I have realised that now is the time to pursue my own personal goals for bringing terror upon the West,” read his latest Twitter posting, announcing the end to an era that saw him become part of the most feared terrorist group to come out of the mountainous border region between Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Al-Qaeda have been accredited for scores of depraved attacks around the world including their biggest hit on 9/11, and it’s thought al-Zawahri did not get enough credit for his part in the group’s success. “We were the best and all anyone wanted to talk about was Osama…he is not the only terrorist mastermind in the group!”

He has released a new audiotape entitled A Victorious Ummah, A Broken Crusade: Nine Years After the Start of the Crusader Campaign, in which he threatened infidels under his new alias, Simply Zawahri.

‘I don’t need Osama’

Plans for a final ‘farewell’ attack on US soil had to be abandoned due to scheduling issues between al-Zawahri and Bin Laden, who still cannot be found.

The audiotape – his debut release – was favourably received by terrorist watchdogs, highlighting it’s ‘bitter tone and hateful lyrics’ as evidence al-Zawahri can make it without the backing of al-Qaeda.  FBI Assistant Director James McJunkin suggested that “now he has broken away he’s free to express himself fully and this tape is a reflection of that…the title could be snappier though.”

Many terrorist members have success hard to come by once leaving the fame of the original cell, but al-Zawahri believes he can become a hit in the explosive world of international terrorism, saying it was time the world saw ‘the real me’.

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