LOS ANGELES, CA – Actress Linsey Lohan has been ordered to complete 90 days of rehab at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts to help overcome her addiction to making terrible Hollywood filler movies. Lohan, 24, was temporarily incarcerated after violating probation by starring in the ‘incompetent’ movie I Know Who Killed Me in 2007.
“I did everything I could to do justice to the role, I’m so sorry” was the stars response when asked what she was thinking accepting such an uninspired script.
The school has said they would do their best with Linsday, but warned the public not to expect miracles. “We’ll try to impart the basic acting abilities, but the truth is…she just not that good.” admitted Acting Director Theresa Hayes.
A judge had fitted Lohan with a monitoring bracelet which would alert officials should she come within 20 meters of a bad script. She was ordered to attend a series of remedial acting classes and stay away from sub par roles, but failed to pick up any of the basic skills required of any credible actor and was reportedly ready to star in a biopic about a 1970s porn star no one cared about. It was this ‘grave and reckless violation of the sanctity of acting’ that left Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel with no choice but to jail her.
Writing on micro-blogging site Twitter, Lohan said the movie idea “wasn’t that bad” and couldn’t understand why the bracelet had sounded off a positive report immediately after agreeing the deal. “She just doesn’t get it” blasted critic Jim Lane. “She thinks she’s making good movies but she’s not, she’s really not.”
Should rehab not work out, her lawyers say she may consider a change of career as a Paris Hilton impersonator as she ‘is really good at that’.
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