TERAN, IRAN – Iran has announced it will step up its plan to build more nuclear families across the country in defiance of western leaders demands to scale back it’s ‘aggressive’ nuclear ambitions.
The move comes after Mahmoud Ahmadinejad called for a higher birth rate to bring population levels up to 120 million and has already begun importing ‘worrying amounts’ of Viagra into the country.
Mr Ahmadinejad insisted the programme is peaceful, but western leaders appear unprepared to take chances.
“Today its nuclear families, tomorrow it’ll be nuclear missiles” warned a sceptical Barack Obama. “Uh-uh. They’ve got to stop now.”
US officials are reportedly planning to launch pre-emptive strikes at targeted households, dropping attractive Iranian women in efforts break up nuclear families in the area.
Provocative actions
The country’s leaders are not be cowed by the threat of loose women ruining marriages, ordering men to take time from damning the west and “get intimate” with their wives in secure locations.
The British government said Iran’s provocative actions were cause for concern and Prime Minister David Cameron has called on Iran to end proliferation of nuclear families or face increased sanctions.
He hailed the continued breakdown of the nuclear family in Britain as a model to lasting peace and trust among nations.
“We have already made great strides in dismantling our nuclear families” said Mr Cameron. With an increasing number of divorces and single teenage parents, the leader of the coalition government believes that “Britain can become nuclear family free within 20 years”
President Obama has been criticised for keeping his own nuclear family whilst calling for Iran to dismantle theirs, but he maintains the United States is committed to ending it’s programme and pointed to Tiger Woods as an example of how they plan to use money and fame to destroy happy marriages nationwide.
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