SARANGANI, PHILIPPINES – Manny ‘Pacman’ Pacquiao has become Welterweight Sarangani congressman of the world after knocking out 61 year old opponent Roy ‘Sugar Scion’ Chiongbianess than a minute into the first round. Pacquiao, already leading by 60,000 points after 30 seconds showed why he is regarded as the best pound for pound fighter and politician around. “It wasn’t even a contest” said one fan. Chiongbian was caught with a ferocious left hook before being floored with a viscous uppercut that left him flat out for the count of 10. When the count reached 50, ringside doctors stepped in to provide medical attention. “That was something! I’ve never seen Manny so fired up” admitted HBO’s Max Kellerman, “he must really loves politics”.
Chiongbian’s trainer expressed regret over failing to stop the fight 27 seconds in. “I wanted to let him keep his dignity you know? At least let him get to 60 seconds, but that was a mistake and I’m so sorry”.
Post fight speculation has centered around Chiongbian preparations, with talk that he may not have even trained for the bout. Boxing experts have wasted little time deconstructing the quickest political contest in history, with many pointing to the former politician’s long reign as congressman leading to him feeling overly confident of victory. “He clearly didn’t even bother training for the fight” added Kellerman “he got complacent. I’ve certainly never heard of a fighter showing up for a fight in a suit.”
Pacquiao is widely tipped to now turn his attention to a showdown with Floyd Mayweather in the fall, but not before he sets the provincial tax agenda for the year. Mayweather himself was reportedly unimpressed with the demolition, insisting he would have ‘no problem’ knocking Pacquiao out in a suit and ‘ look good doing it’.
Chiongbian was unavailable for comment, having required emergency facial surgery on the night.
Leave a Reply