LOS ANGELES, CA – In a move to address waning public perception since the recent earthquake in Haiti, God aka ‘The Big Man Upstairs’ has taken a bold step to assemble a new public relations team. The decision is believed to have been in consideration for some time after a string of natural disasters – including the South Asian tsunami, Hurricane Katrina and Joey – led to God’s approval rating to fall at least 38% since the turn of the millennium . This sentiment had only been worsened after the earthquake stuck Haiti and left God, father of one, with no option but to put together a team of experts to re address his battered public image in what may become known as his largest PR campaign since the Crusades.
Our correspondent has more on this once in a lifetime event.
[Chief Correspondent] Simon, what can you tell us about this move from God?
[Media Correspondent] Well, I’ve just come from the press conference held by members of his new PR team and I can tell you that things are looking good for the big man.
[Chief Correspondent] Why take this step? God usually sends his message through other channels, like ramblings of homeless people.
[Media Correspondent] It was felt that he was hurt by the after the public outcry following the earthquake in Haiti and the drop in opinion points that followed. The homeless just weren’t going to cut it this time.
[Chief Correspondent] He must have been reeling after the earthquake in Haiti, the polls suggest his numbers dropped 5% on that event alone?
[Media Correspondent] It’s left a bad taste in mouths for sure, as has a string of natural disasters that have left many questioning God’s ability to lead the universe. One man I spoke to earlier even called him a ‘jerk’.
[Chief Correspondent] That must have stung. Will he be able to recover?
[Media Correspondent] Let’s not forget he’s been in the public relations game since time began. He knows he needs to step up his PR and has gone for the best.
[Chief Correspondent] What of the team?
[Media Correspondent] It’s roughly 150 strong and there are some notable picks, including the guys that at one point had Americans believing Bill Clinton was black.
[Chief Correspondent] I see.
[Media Correspondent] He’s also managed to get the team that convinced us Britney Spears was a well adjusted virgin.
[Chief Correspondent] Yes, and that was going so well too.
[Media Correspondent] And of course the team that will soon begin the work of piecing together the shattered remains of Tiger Woods’ career. They are sure to be fresh and eager.
[Chief Correspondent] This all sounds promising, how was the press conference?
[Media Correspondent] A real classy affair. Each attendee received a signed copy of the Bible and a free bottle of holy water.
[Chief Correspondent] Did God make an appearance?
[Media Correspondent] No, he cited a ‘prior engagement’ for his absence. However, he had prepared a statement on a tablet which was read by a member of his team.
[Chief Correspondent] A tablet? Sounds a little outdated.
[Media Correspondent] Sorry, I meant the new Apple tablet.
[Chief Correspondent] But it was only just…how did he even get hold of…?
[Media Correspondent] To everyone else it would have been impossible, but with PR this good all things are possible.
[Chief Correspondent] I suppose. What was in the statement itself?
[Media Correspondent] He accepted responsibility for recent events, but did stipulate that he ‘was not superman’ and could not be everywhere at once. But he did reassure the gathered that he would keep a closer watch on things even though Mother Nature could be ‘a real bitch’ on occasion. His PR team then took questions from the press. Very professional.
[Chief Correspondent] So will this work? Can God reclaim the same support he has enjoyed for so long?
[Media Correspondent] A few attendees did convert during the conference so it does appear effective, but only time will tell.
[Chief Correspondent] And he has plenty of that.
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