Iran has denied fresh allegations over the use of its secret super villain hideout after it was said to be holding secret circus trials at the facility outside of Qom. US President Barack Obama demanded immediate access to the hideout to ensure it use for super villain purposes only. Any breach of rules set by the International Evil Doers Agency can be met with heavy sanctions and the US are said to be especially eager to disrupt Iran’s capability to produce highly enriched entertainment acts. Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad insists that the hideout will only used for plotting schemes against “pesky” superheroes, and humanity in general.
Our Middle East correspondent has more on the daring twists and high-flying back flips of this story.
[Chief Correspondent] Omar, what is the fallout from the General Assembly?
[Middle East Correspondent] There’s still much anger towards Iran over this circus controversy.
[Chief Correspondent] Why has Iran continued with such a controversial path?
[Middle East Correspondent] No one is quite sure of their intentions. Maybe they just like clowns, who knows? But this is no way for a nation supposedly committed to evil to act.
[Chief Correspondent] Is there any proof of these latest allegations?
[Middle East Correspondent] UN watchdogs say they have observed a number of circus animals – elephants and tigers mostly – being diverted from local zoos to areas close to the facility. There has also been an influx of Chinese gymnasts into the country.
[Chief Correspondent] China is supplying Iran with circus acts?
[Middle East Correspondent] It’s believed they have been supplying Iran with all kinds of circus props for years now.
[Chief Correspondent] Has President Obama had anything to say about this?
[Middle East Correspondent] He gave a warning to Iran at the UN conference once he became aware of the situation, saying: “Iran has the right to an awesome super villain hideout like the rest of us. But I cannot allow this facility to house circus acts, or any other entertainment productions for that matter. We must ensure it is being used for it intended purpose, a sanctuary for evil intentions”.
[Chief Correspondent] Strong words there. What are these laws that govern the operation of a super villain hideout Omar?
[Middle East Correspondent] The International Evil Doers Authority, or IEDA, defines a binding framework for countries looking to construct and maintain a super villain hideout. Firstly, the facility must be built somewhere secluded…like the inside of a volcano, or under a mountain…the moon is good too.
[Chief Correspondent] Iran have built theirs under a mountain.
[Middle East Correspondent] So they pass that check. Next, they must provide an all year round supply of low IQ henchmen unable don’t think for themselves and follow orders without question.
[Chief Correspondent] That would be the Iranian Revolutionary Guard?
[Middle East Correspondent] Check. As the occupant of the hideout, Ahmadinejad must have an arch nemesis to server as the figure of hate.
[Chief Correspondent] …Israel?
[Middle East Correspondent] Bingo! They’re kosher on that one.
[Chief Correspondent] So this circus issue is all that is prevent them being accepted as a super villain nation?
[Chief Correspondent] Is Iran looking at more sanctions here?
[Middle East Correspondent] That’s the usual procedure and the Obama administration plan to cut off the flow of low IQ henchmen, over sized globes and Persian cats into the country. All the essential materials to run any super villain hideout.
[Chief Correspondent] Have Iran done anything to challenge fears over thier intentions?
[Middle East Correspondent] Well they aimlessly fired rockets from the facility during the UN Assembly. This was seen as a step right direction, but it will take more that a few rockets to convince critics.
[Chief Correspondent] What more can be done to show they can be trusted?
[Middle East Correspondent] Three words: Dooms. Day. Device. No super villain hideout can be complete without one, and the nuclearer the better.
[Chief Correspondent] Let’s hope they can get one soon so we can put this whole circus controversy behind them.
[Middle East Correspondent] They’ll have to if they want to be taken seriously as a super villain state.