Categorized | Sport

Semenya Ordered To Return Lesbian Pass

More controversy today as the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender group have revoked Caster Semanya’s membership after  leaked sex test results reveal she…he demonstrates the “inter gender characteristics” of a hermaphrodite.  After intense media coverage, the group have been concerned that hermaphrodites may fall outside of the LGBT’s remit of acceptable dispositions and so have decided to suspend Semenya’s membership just in case’.  A spokesperson for the group said that even though Caster has all the characteristics of a lesbian and has been very active within the LGBT, but hermaphrodites are way outside our comfort zone’.  In unrelated news, Semenya will be allowed to keep the gold medal won at the World Athletics Championships last month.

Our sports correspondent has more details.

[Chief Correspondent] This is an unprecedented situation Josh.  We have just heard Caster Semenya has bee stripped of her lesbian status.

[Sports Correspondent] This has sent shockwaves through the gay and lesbian community, but not completely unheard of.

[Chief Correspondent] There are past examples of sporting hermaphrodites masquerading as lesbians?

[Sports Correspondent] Sure…just look at Dennis Rodman.

[Chief Correspondent] I don’t think he was a hermaphrodite…

[Sports Correspondent] He wasn’t?

[Chief Correspondent] No, he was just weird.

[Sports Correspondent] Oh…then yes, this is a completely unprecedented situation.

[Chief Correspondent] Have we heard at all from Semenya since this action was taken?

[Sports Correspondent] She…or he was due to take part in a LGBT sponsored parade, but withdrew after handing in his…or her lesbian pass.  Despite this there has been an outpouring of support from the lesbian community.

[Chief Correspondent] Before we get to that, can you tell us how we got here?

[Sports Correspondent] This all began at an athletics event when rumours began that Caster Semenya may not be quite the lesbian she claimed.

Semenya's Feminine Side
[Chief Correspondent] What was the source of these allegations?  Was it the deep voice and masculine build?

[Sports Correspondent] No, those characteristics only endeared Caster to the lesbian group.  Semenya was seen entering the men’s bathroom before her…or his 800 metre event.  What followed is unclear, but calls for a gender tests soon followed.

[Chief Correspondent] Do we know what tests where conducted?

[Sports Correspondent] We’re we believe Semenya was monitored using highly advanced technologies whilst shown images from the latest issue of Playboy magazine.
[Chief Correspondent] How did that prove she was a hermaphrodite?

[Sports Correspondent] Sustained testing made it clear Caster was…carrying…extra baggage…

[Chief Correspondent] …

[Sports Correspondent] …A penis.

[Chief Correspondent] Right.  You mentioned support from the lesbian community?

[Sports Correspondent] Indeed.  Many famous lesbians have come out in support of Caster.

[Chief Correspondent] Such as?

[Sports Correspondent] Ellen Degeneres and her civil partner have been most veracious in their support for Caster’s plight as well as noted lesbians such as Lindsey Lohan and Miley Cirus.

[Chief Correspondent] Miley Cirus isn’t a lesbian?

[Sports Correspondent] Give it time.  The point is that they feel this man woman has been unfairly treated.

[Chief Correspondent] …But the penis?

[Sports Correspondent] Well it’s no surprise that doesn’t have any effect on these members of the lesbian society.

[Chief Correspondent] There has also been strong support from Semenya’s country of birth?

[Sports Correspondent] It’s expected.  South Africa have never had such a famous Lesbian, Gay, Bi or transsexual.  To have this achievement stripped from is a bitter pill. President Zuma has gone as far as to say: “We are willing to wage a third world war if Caster is not reinstated as the lesbian she was brought up to be”.  Angry words there.

[Chief Correspondent] What now for Caster Semenya after potentially losing her LGBT membership?

[Sports Correspondent] Assuming the test result confirm what are reliable internet rumours, Caster’s lesbian career will indeed be over, but she or he will be free to do what all minor celebrities do after realising they no longer have any future in their chosen profession.

[Chief Correspondent] …Celebrity reality TV shows?

[Sports Correspondent] Precisely.

1 Comments For This Post

  1. Kemone Says:

    This truly homophobic. As a lesbian woman I myself take great offence. Its quite ridiculous to refer to any form of membership associated to the LGBT community. I think there needs to be some form of media sensitivity towards such issues and references.

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