Michael Jackson’s will has been filled in a Los Angeles court this past week and in an unexpected turn his estate is to be left to former pet, Bubbles the chimp. The child star Jackson “intentionally omitted” ex wife Debbie Rowe in a clear show of favouritism to the primate. In another shock move, the moonwalker has also left custody of his three children to the same chimp that used to provide him with career advice, again raising doubts over his mental state when composing the will…or at any point since 1990. In related news, Joe Jackson said his sons death has given him the just the publicity needed to launch his new record label ‘Shameless Productions’.
I spoke with our correspondent in the area for more on this story.
[Chief Correspondent] Sarah, how are you holding up? I know you were you a big fan.
[Entertainment Correspondent] I’m doing OK, It’s just…it happened so soon, I never even learned to moonwalk y’know.
[Chief Correspondent] …You know you could still learn?
[Entertainment Correspondent] No! It’s not the same now!
[Chief Correspondent] Right, this is a sad time. Why don’t we talk about the will?
[Entertainment Correspondent] Yes. We learnt today that Michael’s multi-million dollar estate will go to his former companion Bubbles.
[Chief Correspondent] The chimp?
[Entertainment Correspondent] No, the forgotten Spice Girl. Of course the chimp…Sorry, I’m still in shock.
[Chief Correspondent] It’s just that this sound like a strange decision?
[Entertainment Correspondent] Not when you know the details. After Michael and Bubbles split he fell on hard times, becoming the monkey assistant for a second rate street accordion player.
[Chief Correspondent] So this is Jackson’s way of providing for his old friend?
[Entertainment Correspondent] That’s right. Now he can play with all his chimp friends, continuing to attract children of all ages to the ranch as was always intended…Michael was always so caring.
[Chief Correspondent] Did you manage to get any words from Bubbles? Maybe get an idea of what this meant to him.
[Entertainment Correspondent] I tried get a statement from him…but he just started jumping up and down and throwing feces at me. Clearly still in shock.
[Chief Correspondent] But the real shock was that Jackson’s children are also to be left with the chimp. Overlooking potential candidates such as his own mother and Diana Ross.
[Entertainment Correspondent] This is another calculated move by the King of Pop. Look, Mrs Jackson has already had like 9 kids and Michael knows from first hand experience that those white kids could never survive being brought up in a black family. Who would consign children to such a fate?
[Chief Correspondent] So this was really the best option of those available?
[Entertainment Correspondent] Well there was former wife Debbie Rowe, but she was referred to as “stupid and silly” in the document so that was a non-starter. Regarding Bubbles, Michael says: “…and to my companion Bubbles I also leave the custody of my children to care for as you are just as much a father to them as I was…Shamon!”
[Chief Correspondent] And what does all this mean for Joe Jackson, who was not mentioned at all in the will?
[Entertainment Correspondent] He is said to be very upset not to be mentioned.
[Chief Correspondent] Sure. It must be hard to be left out of your own son’s thoughts, getting nothing passed on to remember him by?
[Entertainment Correspondent] Err, that’s not it. He’s upset that there was no mention of his new record label which he has taken great pains to to promote. But Jackson Snr has said he will make sure everyone know about Shameless Productions at the funeral.
[Chief Correspondent] Where there any other items of note?
[Entertainment Correspondent] A couple. The famed Oxygen tent is to be left to Larry King to “enable him to live another 100 years”. also, the vast collection of face masks will be donated to Steven Segal so he can “hide from the shame of making terrible movies”. But the real winner here is Bubbles.
[Chief Correspondent] Indeed. Hopefully he’ll appreciate it.
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