Memory Afflicting Virus Claims Labour Party

Tragic news this week  from the UK as a devastating virus has simultaneously stricken senior members of the Labour Party in the midst of a row over MPs expenses.  While little is known about the virus thus far, experts have likened it to Alzheimer’s, although focused on the memory and with a much faster degeneration period.  The most apparent symptom seems to be extreme memory loss that can be witnessed within days of diagnosis.  So far, only politicians have been affected.  All this comes after Conservative MPs were found guilty of crazy expense claims funded by tax payer money.  Labour members were quick to criticise Tories for their actions despite being found guilty of the same offences just days before..  No cure is known at the time but Prime Minister Gordon Brown has pledged millions into research.  The cost he says, will be claimed back on expenses.

I spoke to our UK correspondent, John Richards, to gauge the condition of those affected.

[Chief Editor] John, we’re hearing that the situation is bad.  How did this all come about?

[UK Correspondent] We’re still not sure…It was all quite sudden.  What we do know it that the outbreak was somehow caused by the scandal over expenses.

[Chief Editor] Can you elaborate?

[UK Correspondent] Leading Conservatives were found to be subsidising their lives with tax payer money just days after senior Labour MPs were exposed for the same abuses of the expenses system.

[Chief Editor] What kind of items were being claimed?

[UK Correspondent] It’s been minor things like light bulbs and chandeliers to large claims for the cost of salaries for house keepers to clean swimming pools in recently flipped second homes that were also being renovated to be resold at mark up prices.

[Chief Editor] Flipped houses?

[UK Correspondent] Yeah, changing the designation of your second home so you can claim for furnishings and other lavish item,  avoiding tax and making a tidy profit when the house is eventually sold.  It’s quite ingenious actually.

[Chief Editor] Is there any chance of this simply being an over reaction?  It’s not like they get paid.

[UK Correspondent] Actually they do receive quite a tidy annual sum, that’s what makes it so juicy.  But the real story here is the condition of the senior Labour MPs.

[Chief Editor] How do we know the expense row is what caused the outbreak of this virus?


[UK Correspondent] Well immediately after the news had broke in the tabloids, Labour MPs were fast to criticise the actions of their right wing counterparts.  This complete lack of awareness of their own actions just days before is frightening evidence that this virus attacks the memory like a prostitute to an unpaying client.

[Chief Editor] Are there any symptoms other than memory loss?


[UK Correspondent] Infected MPs are likely to experience a rise in outbursts of hypocritical rhetoric as well as a sudden drop in humility levels.  They may also feel the sudden urge to appear on camera and rationalise their actions by blaming the system instead of themselves…it’s tragic stuff.

[Chief Editor] My God!  That sounds terrible?  Is there anything that can be done?


[UK Correspondent] Scientists aren’t sure yet but are worried that this strain of the virus could jump from party to party.

[Chief Editor] You mean we could see the Conservatives hit with the same disease?

[UK Correspondent] Unless a cure is found soon, it looks likely.  The expense claims of the Liberal Democrats were published today and if we see the same obliviously hypocritical character assassination from the Conservatives, all sign would point to an epidemic.

[Chief Editor] Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.  Our thoughts are with all those affected during these troubling times.



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